whewww...

went to the clinic at Neah Bay with 'barb...who shuffles and gets there eventually but has a hard time of it because she's elderly, aarthritic and has just gotten over a huge attack of gout..  on our way through the village I saw D's little red scooter at the SC up there...felt a bit wistful but there it is...can't have everything, especially things that might not in the end be good for you...he's awfully brusque, sort of pushed me out of the way looking for a movie he did...said the dogs couldn't be in the house, that sort of thing..also what other people know about him, that it might be an iffy proposition; however, I thought it was a learning experience till now but I still owe him a house cleaning for the $40 he gave me the first time I was there and said that's what he needed...
I dunno, looks like rain today..still haven't painted my canvasesses and here I sit at the VC writing on the blogs, watching the dogs sleep on the sidewalk out front./..the light isn't purrr fact for painting but it isn't bad...there's a matinee at the library tomorrow at 1 pm 'Murder She Wrote' apparently a black and white Agatha Christie...I might go see it...what else?  read Intelligence Report which is all about hate groups in this edition, not about the East West issues whatsoever makes you wonder who's keeping the big secrets, like who's using my sweetie's bod for their pleasure, kind of think it must be my brother and my mom because they've been like two cats in a bag lately...snarly, mean and so forth...doesn't feel like family at all...although maureen at the post office did feel a lot like dad with her braid to her waist, I can see him being the big chief with that hair, who he is...not getting a good picture of my mother though...just the hater version which is all about Aryan Christian horse pucky and so forth...she was telling how the Hindu faith is devil worship and I thought, and your gay daughter is not gay?  well, they learn to figure it o ut and make it look good, very transcendental that older son being the monkie moron that he is...meth'd out and so forth...they'll figure it out, kind of a leadership thing since they got the Nelson caddie I guess...we'll figure it out...closer we get to who we are, the more the commie bugs come out of the woodwork and we have to admit yes, we are racist about skinwalking user states of those who would clone us..
in the meantime, miss the sweetie but am better off with no black eyes...guess broPat is pretty smug about that one since he said 'he'll clean his own house'..and so on...what a Pro fume...haven't been back to see Cher since...although at this point I prolly should though I feel more like the quicksilver messenger service typing away

summer yuggs

it's raining today and last Wednesday was the last time I heard from great clam in the sand trail...interesting that I feel so detached about that since as it is, it's a very abrupt situation, won't be sleeping in the same bed because I hog all the covers and don't share...my dogs peed the floor so they can't come in...I took forty dollars for work I didn't do so the work I did do is classified 'by him' as 'for services rendered' which I guess if you count the wreck of the house, the truck that doesn't run and so forth,it's all a moot point and one which maybe we shouldn't think about too much because it is rather irrelevant and not worth considering since it's over a week ago that I was there and now I'm not...and I wonder what it is about, what did I do? or not do...I was getting rather ambitious about what I might do...this that and the other, but then it turns out that no it doesn't mean anything other than there was a spark in my eye that ignited some ideas in his and those turned out to be explored and now he's apparently done with that and moved on to whatever comes along...which as it happens isn't much in this part of the world...it's raining and where there might be tears on my part the give and take of this particular episode was so perfunctory other than his making the coffee in the morning and watching the critters out the window with his binoculars..yeah...I'll miss it I guess I guess I thought I was something special and I wasn't...I never did get that thing about somebody using you for your physical being, it never entered my head ever and still doesn't that this is what some of us do..like we're the pavement on which they walk...granted I don't give everyone the same consideration, take the couple that just bought the house that was foreclosed that I owned and paid into for twenty years/about what 500x20x12= ($120,000 paid in over time) something like that, rubin and courtney and their two children...she had the second child in the car on the way to the hospital that's what I know about them and that's about all I know other than the house got foreclosed because those who said they were buying it never paid in a dime...funny how that happens, like this relationship, such as it was, which it apparently isn't because I say so after a week...strange that I can't look at him padding around his place in the ...can't even say that...but I'll look forward to my bigscreen tv tonight and hope I know how to operate it...and I'll be glad I don't have to water...and I'll kind of hold my breath and wait and see if what I feel in terms of being disappointed is just the anxieties of going through this 'relationship' thing yet again and finding that it won't pan out because a) person isn't in the same ballpark at all with goals and obligations and ambitions b)just doesn't love you c)really only needed the stimulation of the encounter...somewhere in there is the truth and there maybe also the thing about culture clash which I doubt is there because I'm not who I think I am either but I know that now and why that was under wraps I do not know but I'm good with that too...never have changed much about myself in that regard...and..finger middle right hand is wrapped in a bandage still great big cut there getting better on that but still tender and messes with the typing somewhat...
so, big sigh...glum face/attitude, goes with the rain...have to get back in the paint the house and tar the roof process weather will dry up by Sunday there's a big dance party at the Sekiu Center for Linda D's retirement and SolDucks will play so that will be fun..as far as the other goes...Cindy was out and about big time Wednesday getting the groceries for her crew of needy people while I was behind the eight ball running for the gauntlet with two elderly woman I was helping, one with her groceries and one with stuff that big C didn't do, once in a while she does but not often enough for the lack of ability of the woman in question...even the dog is looking crusty and she's supposed to be grooming that critter (there are 3)...
so...I guess I know that clam sand trail is masquerading ala Picasso and that's the Ganoa park memorial. where they landed and you could have it both ways and be happy but it isn't in the cards and that's the way it is...we've tiptoed long enough around the topic of our age difference, I can't help that I'm coming off at 17 that's 3 mile island effect...that's the way it is...but there it is too one side of my bed heaped in pillows and blankets for he who is not there and the other barely slept in because I don't turn in until I'm too tired to do anything else but
so I let this go because it seems the right thing to do...and then if he calls?  well, if it's anything like the last incarnation of this kind of thing..it'll be further on down the road and then some...reading Sara's Key as a postnote to what ought not to happen...you get like this, like how I feel about checking and checking my cellphone for messages that are not there...and you could stand in that big auditorium in Paris and they could be as wicked and cruel to you as they liked but you wouldn't really be affected by it because you'd already know what they HAd done and that was enough right there to make it all be a simplistic brutal exercise in drumming the situation into your head that you are not in charge of all of this...you have to allow for the tides and the elements and the eagles and the salmon and whatever else is out there that demands its own piece of the action...the GROUSE??

okidokey skinnimaroke...it's raining..it is now summer, nearly a year since I posted here and guess what? I found Bob Meints...good 'ol Bob Meints down the poopshoot on the tail end of wherever and whenever from however..still gotta ballhead and looking like a pingpongdriver at the pc...whipping it out..we had a very  nice time together, once upon a time when he was still a 'male man', hehe...I guess thanks to the likes of the 'extraterrestrial interloper' that no doubt did in quite a few of us to make 'bots for little 'amalia'...ahemmm.. I clear my throat and don't try to comprehend because if you get to this blog..well, it's a moot point what in many toothpicks I am talking about..right? so...I use the blog today to clear the air and generate the referendum on the latest of many personal endeavors to which I account myself..the little town of Clallam Bay being what it is..not much and me living practically on top of the cog that won't compute in terms of good ol 'ami'..zeee offworlder with the children of the corn eyes..good thing I had the toots putt in when I did..shatshop...tankuberrymudge..popped up almost instantaneously after a week nadda when Dylan's dotter dincumbag..ah ha..DOS on the muscle there and there it is and I don't trust ADA anymore than I trust the housekeeper...well, computer speaking terms and all..that isn't what I wanted to say anyway, it being a relator code at best..to what has happened in real time in the last few days
item 1: good ol adobe workshop has a house like a trainwreck and an attitude like I gibb you forty dollah you ...well, you... ah..you did
item 2: workshop is going away to fine fish for five day be bag saturday mmhmmm..with turdytowsandollah for new truckiwucks he got order..an den..he call us tursday in morning..
item 3: he say da bow don't got no resin he never leb de harber..and de fish, well 'YamesYoyce' got no issue with the relator code (only guy who doesn't) hehe
so der goes turdytowsandollah to hymn and neveafew...and who ever else he say der a gooz on the docks does I wand it? huh?  I say gib to Joe he say he will I hear joe today fall off the porch at wheel roe break his nose and herd his mowfff big time (he be 90 or more) and this workshop dude
gotta a stiff bag..don't like no BAGRUBS..no time
he BILL d fire
he gimme money to k.lien/40..so I owe him dat..I guez..was a rugged interview worthy of KimDune Sang or at least half of North Korea at least...sheesh..we watched some bares killing and scruggling one another for a bit las night and I use up my gasoline dribeing out der an bag..I tell ya..well...had had this thing about that person for a while and if I sound like he knocked a few of my marbles out of the bag it's because he was pretty abrupt in ways that were not understandable to me as I don't get to know him any better because right off the bat the bode has no bat tree..I got a bat under the shingles on the garage dude...you wann'em?? he's a cutte little bugger that bat...all stripey round the head like some kind of marvelous cheetah but only maybe a square inch of that sort of furr...anyway...kind of a disappointing second date with first date pimplette (gotta get on gotta get on...off to mag thirty tow san...an b.eye nutruc..oh that'd be Kim...I guess) so..what you here from the actress in challah.wd is a buncha hasbeenteenkits laying low in challah sticking toes in cold watter while General Grow commits the obviation factor in the trial runoffs courtesy of the aborted snafu which level sorted the brain mutancy of Richard Adms' book 'The Plague Dogs'...now that'll get you tarnished and burned with smears on your clothes yu just put onn...(now did dat get there that hype of shocklott frau.sting??))...goobers
so I wanners...I got this one quick look at the monkey tail..it was a plug that became a tobacco chewing receptacle about a day later or so...quickly worn and wandered..wow..how we is..what we is...and don't ask the undertaker he's busily reversing the tally scores on 'I lye'g''s my Martin Luthers...' or something...we don't know what yet but wheel fine out..we ill... I gotta think on it...how did I do watching little betty and her cubs take the hit from the big pythons in the stream?  horrible...reminded me of Kayla and Joey and Lilly and even to know them as relatively close by being a thing that isn't...thanks to proximity of the Omars and such...wants to scratch their names off the blog but I don't.. there's something relatively human in all of this but probably it ain't me,  I got the werking stobe, the Polish connection...the adams residence...the Michelina Haus..commandeered by swaziland to mitigate what the consequences of a bean casserole will acquaint the nostrils to, on a sunny day...yeah
it was Lennon John that came up with this goofy kidlike conversation and it just lilts along and says 'he strung my guitar but then he reasoned he should pluck it'...
so then he was through doing that and went back for another haircut and got acquainted with a big Billy in a small suit that toled him he should guaranty annesty to anyone prescribing the forfeiture of that giant spaceship my brother told me about that covered the metropolitan area of San Francisco as reported by Art Bell at 3 in the morning when day when Robert was listening closely
oh yeah I says...I can do 'er...so he builds this lovely warm fire but the bearskin has disappeared and instead we're watching it on the telly and they're eating mothers but he's too sore and old to think about what that might mean...(you lesbo you)
indeed 'she' shows up to even the score and had it run through a mocha cycle with a rip to columbine and fortesque and all the little dremlings in the dremmel patch as if it were a tool
not sure what that one meant but I hope you do...I canna resume watching and building the giant toadstool that succumbs to debenture in what was definitely an even score according to little koolaidie...
olmo..
so, I could go on but it makes me feel better already that I hadn't..I wondered and I watched for a  while, kind of hcilly under the cubbers and then I says I ain't standing for that mudder getting her socks watched you hear me?? and I left
it at that
and he got himself a little scribbleI done 'I moose you'...a drawing because I thought he was at sea till saturday and he is back and making excuses for his sorry self as if there were a real person in there and it appears that their ain't (or those eagles flying around...did you ever see the one nest that there is?  in front of the fine arts grounds in PA?  quite a big too doo that thing,,so I brought home all the nesting materials since they like to flock here in big muttering droves..the bunch of 'em...they huge..well on the Hoh they huge)...so they gotta nest wherever they wann it...and the old punk band can drive in the shimlock and take a rest in the porterhouse whenever 'e wants...it'll still be splat...ahhhh
so no...we got introduced we got columbined..we didn't schleep or schleep togetters because he hadda get out of town and off to sea...but he dinnt cause the bat in the tree flew and he was bag  and that's it..end of story disapppointed but I wrote a nice write here about shakey fingers that did finalize the cue score ahh..at a time when bots were answering funny comments about slaying grizzlies in alaska...I thought...I did get up close and yeah he bit me but he was kind of aenethstized somehow every wild animal in the forest was told to be haib up due to daddy wikeing dis gurl..(think so maybe)...can't align to my native resources...they not there in this wurl..I think that's the sadness part...ain't happening...never did (admit that)...well, you make it up...you makeup...was he ever going to suggest the casino and a weekend away...I dowd it..and I got brown frosting on my yakit...which is a white fleece..and I woulda never worn it today had I known...well now I know a lot more than I did when it was time to mow...and that being the case that was lovely and so was the carpenter element with the palestinian delay module acerbating every schphlunk there was (my stamp card for subway is no longer valid, duh...)
ok, so...as it stands he'll never be there again as far as I can tell because he came back from the beach and he was there and the sea harvest was a bust because he never got out of the port (and I haven't been for a ride on his boat)...so then I went into satsop mode and twigged up some of one of the trings...as I would cause I could because I did dat a while ago and I don't care how yellow is the whiteman (the yellow hairs) they still yellow through and through busting up what mighta been a good roman sssssss
as it were he canna talk more than a sentence about this that without it being a spittoon you can see the kind of evil dribble came out of the ancestors' mouths to talk about how they got gone...makes you want to rescind dannyt glubbers contrackt to be the bomb O...sometimes
get that perlized newt back in the jar...dig it
and that's hollywood as I know it today...
rain and laundry on the line two trucks pulling in and they can't use the can..well
lesseee it's b.ray(b) nuwerl..w/Pitt.Ashton/am.burr(whiled rose and so on Iconic and verbal and time to go homies
almost
I recken that's the way it is
although I was counting on cedar beams and I get this devastation
I was listening to casino tunes and dancing
and I was making my own pancakes (not raw but alone)
and he was talking about all the scene yore meals sevin daze a wig
and udderdendat the parking lot is still full of tourists and they gotta videocam of the sky staying gray and full of spring rain (it's may)
have to write...a burden, a grimace a shoehorn wistful and doubting it'll ever be real for me
just like that bumper "I found it and now my finger stinks) my mother thought it was awful
I said frainkly, remember when we were kids an one of us was always in puttee pants...and
that's how we'd twig to the process?
that's where I related to it
but then...I can't see him sitting on the one functional toilet, I can see him coming out of the shower
I can't see him talking other than to lecture me about the importance of being Ernest (grimes)
there is such a guy out there - idi's double..hehe..hope idi gets a load of this...he often wonders if emom can get it right enough to keep the hare from the hounds
sigh...a falulty grimace...the devil's daughter spies a pond below...
arnie busts through a shirtsleeve trying to tone it down
we welcome the event
kari.org
haha..such is it...I was so happy that it had happened and he had it...
he said..
so now I'm thinking he has had it because he's played every card except the keeler.profumo schnipe
and I had the grillin' beans for supper and walk around in the vague fumes of dispatch
later I rub my eyes against the harsh reality of the quantum
it belorgs me to be uppity on the marrow...I wander here lost without the solstance of my weekly sojourn in these parts as if for never I could equate to being justice and light with the bandana of the morbid as the defeater of my cause...he'd be pardoned sure enough if he were only to wonder what it was that made him do that in the first place
'we got to set this up right' I never said because I always it just to happen
and so it did
he's going to level his lot and grabble it up and there's going to be no trees anywhere but in the picture books and the ones I draw..why do you want to mow?
get it grabbled
and be sure you don't inference how you feel about anyting because the hammer coming down isn't the one Picasso uses..no way Jose
nope...it's not about that...it's about my werd is yer were and Blue Duck(goose) is my name
I guess you were married to the bastard and he finally shit you out....hmmm

so that's that
in a nutshell you're running around with the lame one's blood in your veins for the moment..having vouchsafed the blind scar for a routine made in Bimini...
ah to where I was..
and I walked toute suite to the exit sign with the comment you gotta mobious yer t.rug

me and the archeologist...

joey's room is full of clothing..carpeting that needs a good scrub..his desk and his odds and ends
and Joey is Gino the dog...and Joey is a Hoh...or so they told me
I thought he was a conglomerate of corporate interests me and Bill gates put together to nail down the coffin lid on the powers that wannabe...but in my heart, there he isand always will be
faithful and listening asd I write about the navajo elwha lion...whom I told my MOrrison child would be can...to work on as a mural...
it's confusing, all ofit and what's his face Burroughs has nothing on me in terms of adequate relevancy orthat I might be angry to sit behind this chap and never touch him, but I did touch him and they said do not do this for he is FIRE, but then I am ICE and perhaps the one will melt the other and quench his thirst because the other people, the ampitheater sorts..all sitting around glomming onto what is happening (nothing, to my mother)...while we recognize the perfume called 'california'..as his body scent...I've never been there...my own is 'Jessica'..and I know Mr. Zettlemoyer defines that aspect ofthings...(who the hell is he one wonders ifone isnot me...but he's the 'haus' man...is who he is and the Jessica perfume is lovely...but I'm in the dregs and drags of my clothingh routine...I shall do better because I found a mini after that..black and white, it was grand and I thought, I shall make some of those and that one I did not buy...then the filets of salmon came as my brother told me I was beginning to become confused about reality...hey, when my son was sitting on my father's lap investigating the clothes line, I found it important to become confused, didn't I?...
that sort ofthing...ah well...another day for this, me and Joyce and Muskles...big smile
I'm so into art right now it's not funny, buti nspired as well to be making molasses crinkles and hoping again to see Mr. REally great and wonderful...who I think is now involved in a relationship with 'one of the twins'...I think...I dunno...does it matter?  howdoes he feel about me? would he gas?...text me baby...figure it out..I'll just dedicate some inspisration to the fact the sun shines in the window when I even think aboutthis afternoon and all the crowds of people around usand I'm sitting behind this guy going 'ahhh, eeee...ooooh'..as though it could really come true..asthough...

how to mix it up

wow...I've been lovingup the always sunny in philadelphia series...what a good show..a little with the raunch because some words due to my ''nuclear age'...always '17'..I hear a cringe when I hear the word dong..and it isn't about a bell..duh...words like that, poop words but what's a polite reference to something like that I don't know...quite tongue in cheek is prefereable of course but it isn't done...we're not so polite, well read is what we should be, so we could and there were a lot of Nooks on the plane coming to Phoenix...I've been in the house almost the entire time I've been here...I've been in the hot tub and will go again when baby awakens because I don't want to run the motor while he sleeps inside the room that faces the place where the tub is..under the great Mesquite...I was thinking it would be good to visit a reservation because I think even though I can't aspire to being a native american somehow through my work and time in america that I have become part of a tribe, maybe it's the Rainbows but I was thinking it's more like the GarciaGreenGroup...ggg
green being the painter Tom...Garcia being Jerry the former Grapeful..and so on..we've been on the wire about nuclear stuff since way back and then there was the general Morrison who was the soul of the Indian of course...and nobody better claim that title while his spirit is still in the world..wild man..
we've got one like him, gone away at the moment to help a brother with a broken back...and yeah, my little son rests there wondering what it is to be a man and be seven or ate...I don't make a typo there...I see the fat gray haired lady with the agenda involving beets...bloody towels...blue Mercedes..something about going solo...and I wonder if my Raven clan associations in Lyons would help with that...no doubt...I think that writing when one has no purpose is stupid but I don't do that nor do I talk about what I've been doing, rather it's a reminesce about the solo entry, Han(d)...and his recovery as a myth and muse of times to be...how we've perhaps educated our resource of nuclear power, not so much contained it as understood that there must be rings planted at the sites, hops, cocaine, marijuana, tobacco...and there's the song cycles that the hopis will teach the plants as they wave in the summer wind...the rainbows did that one gathering and I could see it..baby cries...AWAKE...

hope soo..darn text is shrinking shrinking..and I was writing about the women's health fair at the community center in Neah Bay and how I was busy trying to ignore my feelings to the point when I got home I cried because I had buried them ten feet deep in a hill of sand and regret...like why would I be attracted to that person?  you just don't know, you just art..hehe, art, sometimes typos are for the good...I sat there, looking all around the room, I know this person very little, try to be polite, isn't really something I should invest in...I think it comes later but it's here and I let it slide into the sea, the rain comes down in buckets, the roof leaks like a sieve (really,, truly) but I'm like hmmm..why do I dig this person?  it's bit Tony Hillerman..the hair..the face is 'up yours...I'm the one with the club..you're going down, baby' and I'm like shoot there goes my font shrinking again, hgehe...squidlitts...
ok so he's a fisherman for one...he had his truck repo'd like mine was...he isn't interested in me, I don't think, well if he is heck if I know it..I'm like yeah...and I realize that it's all about the laws of attraction with a lot of cultural interface going on, he could be Japanese the way he looks, about as big as myself, maybe younger, OH, that's it...yep...I think at 62 I'm over the hill in the men department, he'll never go for me because I'm older...shoot, I looked at my arm when I was in the bathroom up there, it's like wrinkly saggin' and yet I go out there and see him blue teeshirt, jeans...don't remember shoes, hair in a traditional cornhusker hank always wears it like that, it's Navajo but it could be apache, something I don't know, my instincts say Navaho...but you know, asking for trouble I tell myself, am I? I don't think feeling that nice about someone is trouble, what I think is it always gets yanked away from me somehow so I'm very afraid to let it happen again and yet I know this is what I want...to tame this bad boy? eh...what's a bad boy?  well...I'd have to be real with him, that's probably a challenge, I have no self-image...you know, like you think women are supposed to feel good about their bodies, I like mine, it's soft, curvy, kind of svelte, swanky, something...I can dance...I love to dance, I like my face, but would he?  I don't even know my indian roots but I think there's some in the french canada place my family won't talk about so maybe there's the tears...I can't be who I've been told I am not...something like that maybe, but no, I never let anything get in the way when I feel as I do but I saw myself doing that, just like asphalting the path to sitting right there on his lap, which is where I would have been, sobbing on his chest, 'I have a crush on you!!' how good I am to hide it...why should he know...well I went to his house one day to tell him not to bring fish to the seniors...and he was wearing only a towel and I thought when I was upclose with him...I don't like this guy like THAT?   but there he was sitting right across from me and I knew I did...and I went home and cried about it...so frustrated...really frustrated...his number is in my contact list...I could just call him, say hay, I do...have a big lumpy wet noodle of a longing for you...a bright bird on a wet beach, a cloud coming in with too much rain...a history of a shared land...maybe I'm a first person as well...I wouldn't know I feel tears that must be it, someone in my family history is a bastard way back...we could find out, there's the ancestry thing going on I could find out...I think they buried it well though, I may never know...I shouldn't go on about that, my father is six years in the grave and never spoke of it just like Grandpa Hummel would never talk about being at the gates of Belsen Belsen when the US Army opened 'er up...and he never did...would I?  would I speak about this really strong pulse of heart, just like my wholel left side where the heart is...bigger stronger, man the type bounces big and small...hehe...going on and on...that's the one...but when you get him up close and inspect his pores, are they going to please you...you get up close and you're like eyuwww, that's the guy?  and you know if you don't spell it out, seek it out, you're going to do like I did, and go home and cry your eyes out because

you didn't...

Falling out of Love with the King of the Jews..eh/Hapsburgs...

that would be enough right there..blatting that out...in many ways, but there it is, the old and comfortable me that never had to argue a point with you...now that was something...the key of forgetfulness has its drawbacks..I don't want to be around that person hehe...another one born..he was very happy in there..he was
absolutely insane of course
and didn't know why
it would be his own
but he cannot declare a ruin..as he chews on my ankle like a little, dreadful raspberry thorn
who has come in
for the winter
he'd better earn his keep
the fuck
anyway...that's the part I fix...I'm amazing
you're amazing, I hate those words
but you get the drift
I could talk to you anywhere
but the really raw flesh part..seems a little farfetched at the very bestinh
but ter it is...kind of juicy goodness a last page
that would be all that would be..if I didn't know this
somehow that works to my favor
and what a secretary
I should be mounting Everest there but you know
I haven't even lit my whatever..
interesting, eh?
no better verbage than the x meowmmmmmmmMM as it, the kitten
purrs and kneeds in my lap I feel that intimacy with my children
quite a copasetic integration of emotions, all at once
dare the verbage..
I've seen him take the animal and discombust it...that was enough
so
off with the Italic, if it were
I quoted Machiavelli to my son..
that was an interesting exchange
the bear meats the mother
I couldn't spell it right
and there it was laid open worse than pudding
to describe it as an abnormal psi factor would be more eloquent
as it feels as though I might lay upon the sky for a moment
with my beloved
which I just did
the air is rendolent with that cosmic sigh