in the beginning, part of the logging camp

we came to neah bay when I'd finished the 5th grade.  I was due for 6th.  My brothers were all very small, barely getting into school, needing noses wiped and boots tucked into jeans for all t he rain.  we lived right on the breakwater, looking out at Waadah Island.  We were on t he Makah Reservation.  My father had a job with CrownZellerbach, a logging concern later sold to Weyerhauser and then James River Containment Origins.  It was all news to me as a child.  We'd been going to school in Bend, Oregon at St. Francis of Assissi.  The nuns wore black habits and scolded us a lot on the playground.  We were taught the meaning of good manners both at home and on the playground.  I've written about homelife in writers' group, at Neah Bay there was Cindy and Sally Thompson to contend with.  Besides having faces that would stop clocks, their intent was to not be polite and to be menacing.  It was an acquired skill to be able to deal with them in the classroom but when they decided to walk down to my house and let know what was what, that was scary.  I don't know if it was then I realized that some of us are actually animals but I think I started getting a clue going to school with Cindy and Sally...
I did have some friends on the res and  now I guess I got more t han that but they're still a bit on the taut side, easily given to complaint about this that and the other.  If you looked at how they live you'd see that yes, this is a home that needs some function and organization, like Dobe's kitchen for one...don't know t hat he even gets that it's uninhabitable, one greasy  hotplate and dripping cold water...pretty bad...he does keep it warm in there a pity for myself because I'm more the chillin' to the bone with my Polish stove.
I g uess what brings me here to start this essay is that wh wen I realize something is being happening for a reason and I get to know that reason then I want to talk about it but I guess this is one of those situations where you beat around the bush about the situation and don't actually say there is a fire in the sky and being a part of the Makah people during that time, well, that was what saved our bacon, their culture.  So now I have to go home and beat around the living room and clean it up good for my son coming to visit.  I should say that this is actually my mother leaving the DOS form she's had for a good long while and actually translating her female self into something optionally relevant t hereto...I.E. her Megan personality, I look forward to this, I'm thinking my children are going to be helping straighten up their gran and I feel like a rest...so, here we go with the win terra brothers, John and Robert...John in a macro version of himself assisted by the musician Tiny Tim...who is 6'4 and a bit goggly eyed/does play well, John is a consumate musician on the part with Beethoven..i.e.Pyotr Bei...we'll get it, it'll make sense...off with us now to make this all come about..

the afternoon after the hanging of the art...

ahhh...it is so good to finally be here at home writing...miss my children so much...and I've had phone conversations with the 'loved one' although it seems as though that has been thoroughly complicated by things other than what it is...interferences..people 'representing' that whom they are not...rushing in..being those someones...and they are not them...  very complicated..
went to the fair...'are you going to scarborough fair'..that I am..very heavy heart, due to the illness, probably final, of my mother...and the three ghouls sitting there at the table dividing up the spoils as though they were the ones who earned the right to do so...I know, I should be patient, that it will all work out to everyone's benefit..but it does not..and so it goes...talked to my daughter, she asked me, were you calling to see if I'd written you a check?? ...  no, not really, wanted to hear your baby's voice, see  how you were..I know th at money stuff will all work out, wasn't even concerned about that but there's that question..and it seems too harsh...phew...at last I can write here..worked towards it..slept oin the back deck...got up at 5:30am... fussed and fidgeted, missed chrch here..went to town, waited for things to open,  en voila.. things did not open for the flower building..they will be open on Tuesday...how I wsih for things to be as they should be..
drinking Dos Equis...on the last bottle..cats running in and out...sighing, he did talk to me..and now he doesn't...one wonders 'where does he go??' but he's here and I shall know so..like the grand display of pot roast with potatoes in gravy...peas...carrots..a subtlely flavored cake..some salad..nouishment...so it goes..had quite a bit of milk at breakfast...lots of coffee..out of reading materials, some movies...talked to Tim..he wasn't there..definitely a version of the product, probably the sharpening tool...not bothering with you...as though he could just shut me off.  ask Casares?  what was that, a version of Saar..time to take away the spider's webs..whatever..paltry conversions from Roe...what was Roe to me?  hmmm... the son-in-law of TWAIN of course, deployed the airlines to Hawaii that we had..diverted them to what?? little a's vi??
probably...sighs..should slleep on the deck again..kind of despondent due to T's response..he was gone momentarily...so it is...we'll see..

here comes the first fall flags...

I have been down with a cold going on 3 weeks now, it's not really even a cold so much as it is a sense of st uffed nose and deep chest cough/residual bronchitis that is pretty much gone b ut wants to remind me it was a doozy..  So last night I went to bed at around 8 in the evening, finishing the Hoffman book, Blue Diary, that I wrote a review of elsewhere in here, it's a beautiful story upon until about page 44 when bluebeard and company take on the happy ever after troupe and mayhem is given reign over the story line...on to the next tome, this one about Atomic City and the Rosie Riverters of WWII...my mother was one of those with her mother, everybody went to work everybody had to work because the Germans were doing bad things in Europe and these guys we called the 'Japs'..which doesn't sound as bad as the 'n' word but does mean something like it...were being a problem ...meanwhile
have to figure out what comes next in the car situation...weld the hatch hinge can't find replacement stopped at junkware in PA yesterday, hard to come by they say there as not many wagovans were made...of course, and it needs brake pads and a muffler for starters...we'll see how this unfolds...
otherwise have been painting the house, really slapping on the paint this morning, optomistically so becau se it's been gray and overcast though no sprinkles like yesterday evening...really have to sit down and paint waves and rest because I was up since 4 am today/go to bed at 8 pm that's what you get evidently...did empty out first bay under garage to explore the flooring situation get some wood lined up for deck project and be amazed some wire fencing is attached to a garage door bracket like how??
and, it's abo ut lunch time so I think I should mosey up to the library get my movies and get my lunch and maybe return..possibly..turns out I return and there is a truck out there, same o black truck like always  I've been to the Lions' shop made arrangements to borrow drill to remove wood screws on roof tarp and rearrange that tarp for better protection this winter will allso work on lower garage area add door and window to back end..here comes hinge mama...window mama..
brief eulogy for Joel...
always looking out the back portal where he'd busily made himself a spare pad (in case he needed it) but long given up the pursuits of l ife meaning that he bid this life adieu yesterday