what here when now..

all reading composition anomally aside, really do appreciate the LVW factor quite much..dinotrobically speaking that is...how to compensate for what there is so very little of...like warm  heat...etc.  never have the ripe wood burning while KK's house is totally brutally warm..very NKD of it yes??I don't have to figure out that part...have to analyze the writer's creative process factor and let it go at that...art not as a hobby but as a means of expression about what?  mideast conflict?  nah...really appreciate determination there what that is..like to get off and running now I've been here and done this...

once upon a time he plunged off the milk toate

we couldn'a been more happier if we'n a raised a load a pigletts. that's how taosty it was livin' out there in the woods with all the varmits and such...course I didn't know that GeeHyma was his mudder that he was not een equipped to take his own peeds brake...not that it was anything but silly how that rhetoric flowed out of his mouth like a chopped up dog he wasn't too tasty there but spoke more sillily than a person could oughta and that was a fact that did bear some mention...that he would go on and on about how posessive the mechanic was at a party squeezin' on the party doll as though he might wanna brake her and wouldn't that be something...well anyway...I could get an advance on last weeks pay if I were interested but then again all we do around here is pay bills and blow snot in old mechanic rags that'd been washed with every bit a dishes in the kidchen.. isn't that funny
meanwhile...times a wastin and such is life and stuff, consider this a eulogy to my colleague Ted who lives under the bridge with the resta da trolls now and isn't going to show up to pick up a pizza from Linda anymore...all them pitchers she said was here and all that time workin' for the man that stuff she claims her own even now...ya believe it??
like when I was sittin' in the hottube with bigben chiasson and watching the skin float by we talked like we was knowledgeable about stuff and maybe we was but there it was goin' and gone and fixed and broken and sludged up like it was a polish sausage market and we were the ordinary options...kinda Humble that...don't know as I can understand how it would be good ol Hammmill at the donut day, isn't it??
far as I'm concerned that ain't an optin and so be it...writin' ios a good enough thing if one's inspired to do just that course we ain't all victorious in our wants but know now that the cow chews a cud and friends of a feather leave sticks of incense when they playin'
like how nightmarish is the exposure rate for being in the same room with a staggers of donkeys
you just never know when they gonna laty loose with a poke in the eye, right???everytime you come home they gotta leak the roof, degutter the eves fiddle rightly so fiddle with the leg tricks and yep, confiscate ebri darn one of dem kids at criss mass (obstensibly removed and don't be silly)
hafta think that if one guy kisses and tells that his new woman charged him forty bucks for a warm house he was flying in the donut machine up to turkey land for a bismarck with a halfrack of sasquatch refuse..
anyway... that was the name a tha game and what in it... 

evokution society post nuclear ESPN..coding towards achievement

yep, that's the ticket, football, baseball, cheerleading, rallies together, nothing like the olympics in germany during the time of H...nothing like that, rather a streamlining of events to gather in at those particular points the necessary elements to filter out what I should probably call the disruption of TRIAGE which would be?? there's been references..cherry..for one..george washington's chopping down of the cherry tree, I cannot tell a lie..something like that, biblical, go forth and be fruitful, your children will be like olive trees around your table..the catholics took that literally.. triage...cedar, how about that Cedar...meaning that when Triage was disrupted,and that's strange that you can't even reference how it was before during Triage but that it has become what came after Triage meaning Cedar?  yeah I think so..and ESPN is at the very heart of this element and how a definition in Basic might just clear the whole thing up, I was hoping ISFmight be able to blind warp it into completion but I don't see that, just this week there was a grant blast from dt)you need to learn facebook etiquette  huh..where does that come from CEDAR I think...we shouldn't cut another cedar tree ever anywhere they should be our receptors we can take the branches, there was a pile just before I left for here..at the cabin by the road...the CEDAR tree there was trimmed...we can do that I think but we mustn't take another one down not for now, not on earth..I think that's what it is...the time of CEDAR and why the Makah  population is important to this they are in a state of continual fusion and they exist within it and so they can work with my family, the Concourne...which at this point is a sad collection of DOS..my mother in  caffee yuck...well, we did arrive at the Urals 115.11.10 at this point CEDar NETWORK probably there in the URLs..has drained it so that her DOS is represented thus.. I don't get much signal from her, same with BJ, R, D and M seems to be nothing but direct AES exploitation.. sigh...not like I want the midas element to take over, what do I really want?  I miss the time of Russell but the time of Dobe is the skeletal remains of all of it because of the fusion factor because he's a Makah..this is just thinking outloud all of this I'm up too early and it's come to my mind because DW called, representational of DOS/Megan...just enough tme interface to scrape off every disk, every bit of Triage work and misapply it to CEDAR...but it didn't give me nightmares, I had those the night before...funny how I never work CEDAR will know who I am, because my fusion exists as a transpondence of that core element, the macro of my spirit and all around me people are going in and out of their own and those who missapply it, well, DT09 to them...thank you very much cedar tree, happy to be going home to my own little colony, I suppose I shall begin to let the closest member of CEDAR know what it is I need and want to neutralize all of this towards a happy finish...it disturbs me that I do not have a partner here, with Russell I could communicate all of it and he would understand and he's been wiped out of my head like so much peanut butter off my grandson's face see yes larger font works better, ok used to be that any criticism especially from present immediate source DT09 about what I'm thinking and doing - coexist COEXIST as I heard it - was a direct reference to mental hospital HERE you go... eh..we have that in place now thanks to Julia ..so Julia it is..or jewish or anything referencing jewels...disfunctional DOS..in the AES.. and the computer languages how to arrive to another planet on time and in the correct physical reference...that will clear that up
like this town of Phoenix/Mesa/Tempe/Scottsdale...is it really?  doesn't feel that way to me, so much brickwork, cement, planted landscaping, anything that tries to multiply falls under the influence and direct manipulation of CEDAR...and its directly related to my father's efforts to farm forests...the library is still intact, the one he used, there is a monitor there now, there is no passage, it is the diamond necklane in the silver heart shaped case, it went via probably windows 95 and onward outward now up to windows 10..please download this!! right, so we will, I can write this on paper in hardcopy everything I've ever written is a piece of this, desperation as myself and my thoughts drain out of the tub after the bath...clearing throat, how to understand it, thoughts running onward and onward, CEDAR, doesn't make sense algebraic computation...you can't write this for the average citizen, ESPN..just have 'em watch that, big games, GOLF tournaments, that's the only thing keeping the original family home intact, golf channel...all the time, and sports, ESPN, have to rest in the hand of CEDAR there, not any cedar around there I can think of not even in the woods close by but there is continuing ESPN I know that, and meanwhile...Martin.Morrison next door and Bush on the other side.  Down below there is DT09 probably reading yeah, reading and affinity portal DOS for all the hair on my main animal..you should see that creature, I actually touched it once, it has nothing to do with DOS in any application and certainly the fact I touched it once applied to the .09838421 AES on HCc..thank you Dale.
so...as we sweep up and get ready to fly out this is as weird as it gets but its a good way to track random thoughts into the network of applied calibration that actual mathematics will define more clearly...my troubles with use of the English language/not a native tongue and the strep to prove it!! I think it's probably the rest of my life effort to confine and contain and cook, hehe! that's probably why there isn't the russell factor...that's the human form elements of WORD trying to break out and validate themselves.  they cannot.  because they are not.  CEDAR will interpret that.  it begins with the tree itself and how many of those have we turned into actual wood?  well, in the pacific northwest I would even oblige with an answer.  I'd leave that to indian culture there know that the tree itself is like the big unix system for what we have to do, everyone keep a bottle of the oil, not sacred, your religion does that for you, you will know because we are ESPN..that's it...how it goes, ok pep talk?  nah...I've gotten up early after a good night's sleep, couldn't entertain my grandson without snoring his books aren't what I'd like to read to him, but, he's a clever chap like his mother so they'll figure it out, artificial environment for them here as well...can't give definition to anything without establishing the paraments of CEDAR like we did TRIAGE...it's come down to CEDAR as it has TRIAGE and since TRIAGE topicated the resonance of the fusion portal so will CEDAR oblige its outcome...the grand canal of the macro ..here we come...

fingers on the keyboard

just finished my 'reading exercise'..Emma Straub's laura lamont's life in pictures which maybe I didn't get except as synapses after the fact, things that affect my own writing, how to make it real to the reader what is being written about..main character in this book is elsa emerson, perfectly good hollywood sort of name protected my typos tell me from losing her self into the absolute sell of the hollywood actor, ones who are successful.  elsa's name in hollywood is laura lamont and that works like rita hayward works, a character that dyes her hair brown then black though she's a natural blonde, I kind of think natural blondes are 'it'...that's what we all arrive at after a point, my own hair going through the back to light brown phase before turning white, apparently...being sixty five now I am thinking the wrinkle factor is kind of scary like I'm not going to look at that face in the mirror anymore...eeek.. doesn't matter, eyebrows matter, they should be plucked up a bit..perhaps...and my youngest son dedicated to the writing process since before he could actually breathe I think this as a mother that doesn't have that son, this is how strange our lives are and why hollywood should matter at all  because these guys are the ones who do the interface to PROTECt WHO we are and what we have as a valid life sgtatus...so anyway..ms lamont's brain function is described by straub as the daughter of a published wqriter (this is what I'm thinking doesn't matter if I'm wrong about that fact - this is how it comes across to me  ) and here I am with my own daughter and she's the meds dispensing authority around here because my own sgtatus is so far off from that, I guess this is the stuff that's changing now and soon I'll go back to my own house and life and not be here again for a while, that's kind of strange too and why it was a good thing to read this book it's a warm saturday here in Mesa I am listening to a chatter bird out by the pool, the soft sounds of saturday morning, two cups of coffee down finishing the book, was it a good one? we all want to love certain actresses I guess after watching a movie with them in it, that they translate our own 'best' emotions well enough that we can be content they'll always be inside us, those emotions because these guys provide the 220 conduit to keep the power flowing, that's what art/drama is importante.
Lamont ,,emerson doesn't really show us anything of her thought processes through straub except to say in the windows of elsa/laura's eyes we're getting a picture on going of how it was in hollywood during the 40's and through to the 70's assuming that politics and the sociology demography of california unfolded as we know it to have done there's some acknowledgement of heroin issues in the acting set, one husband dies of it the other is Hebrew and comes from NYC.  He's small for his age because of deprivation, typical tenement upbringing that isn't explained to how the man comes to be head of a big hollywood studio other than Laura marries him, evidently elsa stays home in Wisconsin and becomes her mother who doesn't say much except that she doesn't like Jewish people..it's all kind of convoluted and strange nothing like a Jackie Collins book on the same topic rather sedate and New Yorker magazine kind of factual to a point with vague references to Edith Head the costumer whose place was taken up by the ghosts of the star wars movies who designed the Korean inspired hairdos (were they really??) I had a book on that for a bit from the library..pretty much graphed out those star wars clothes would work well for invasionary processes prior to taking over a galaxy or a universe..much like the decimation of Alderon which is my point here - what actors/hollywood does for us men in the street - keeps us intact in a post nuclear age so our thoughts can catch up with us and say yes...the bloom is still on the rose, the sweet little newborn granddaughter does have the tiniest fingers..the dog does walk with confidence at the end of his leash..guess what?  there's catfish and their offspring in the storm drains, cleaning us ALL up now we've arrived at PNA  yahoo!!

lez go see

les go see how bad the tarp's blown off the roof and how much clutter the kattz have brought to the back porch or how much glunk we can pile onto what's already out there 'yer kid.chin is a diss aster..like the little petunia I just found sweeping up the bag por.chh..

here we are on a saturday, October 24, 2015...what a gray day...I just finished Winter Brothers by Ivan Doig.   He talks about James Swan's diaries of this area...he does talk about rain and windy weather...I don't recall that he talks about this particular sort of day...it's so gray, everything has a sort of whiteness to it that is phosphorescent..it's not raining and the sky is this fulsome gray color that invites time to pass uneventfully, unlike the sunny day we had yesterday that invited all sorts of activities, even at dusk there were still more tasks asking for completion.
I've found a book of Frank O'Connor short stories.  They're all set in Ireland, all the dreamy homebound sort of tales that you might find happening just here, in little ol clallam bay...you peel the potatoes, you braise the meat you've dredged in flour, you chop some onion, peel some carrot and parsnip/turnip, throw it all into a roasting pan...sunday dinner coming up...maybe this is that sort of nurturing time, we feed ourselves (steak and mushroom for breakfast) don't know...odd thing, JW's yardsale was reputedly to be held today...last night d showed me a tin of Napoleon cough drops/breathmints, empty, old, one J had used as a coin purse..d said she'd bought it as a memento at the yard sale...we weren't aware it was happening...so, hot bath for me and a trip to Forks to see Mom and take her to church this evening..I think..
concerned about what is my supper..I'm here at VC and it is cool FM on the radio..took me going up every point on the dial to arrive at an audible station..108.4 something..
had a flu shot yesterday, didn't sleep well..slight chills at bedtime then tossing and turning did sleep until 7:45 so that was good, talked to A about the new baby..SR is gobbling her meals and growing quickly, a healthy child ..yes it's raining now..suppose I ought to leave t his place and walk home lunch is important consideration, and what would it be?  probably need to saute zucchini and cabbage into a noodle cup..clean out fridge for being gone although have been ignoring those chores somewhat...guess I'm bored but how can you be in a place like this, time for more mushrooms..other places, like touring the big new music museum in Seattle - a happening place definitely..- everything predictable ok so that was what's his name's guitar...the guitar itself isn't radiating a special aura is it?  doesn't seem to be...these are relics of another time. like t his keyboard I am writing on...I turned 65 today...am I a relic as well?   

in the beginning, part of the logging camp

we came to neah bay when I'd finished the 5th grade.  I was due for 6th.  My brothers were all very small, barely getting into school, needing noses wiped and boots tucked into jeans for all t he rain.  we lived right on the breakwater, looking out at Waadah Island.  We were on t he Makah Reservation.  My father had a job with CrownZellerbach, a logging concern later sold to Weyerhauser and then James River Containment Origins.  It was all news to me as a child.  We'd been going to school in Bend, Oregon at St. Francis of Assissi.  The nuns wore black habits and scolded us a lot on the playground.  We were taught the meaning of good manners both at home and on the playground.  I've written about homelife in writers' group, at Neah Bay there was Cindy and Sally Thompson to contend with.  Besides having faces that would stop clocks, their intent was to not be polite and to be menacing.  It was an acquired skill to be able to deal with them in the classroom but when they decided to walk down to my house and let know what was what, that was scary.  I don't know if it was then I realized that some of us are actually animals but I think I started getting a clue going to school with Cindy and Sally...
I did have some friends on the res and  now I guess I got more t han that but they're still a bit on the taut side, easily given to complaint about this that and the other.  If you looked at how they live you'd see that yes, this is a home that needs some function and organization, like Dobe's kitchen for one...don't know t hat he even gets that it's uninhabitable, one greasy  hotplate and dripping cold water...pretty bad...he does keep it warm in there a pity for myself because I'm more the chillin' to the bone with my Polish stove.
I g uess what brings me here to start this essay is that wh wen I realize something is being happening for a reason and I get to know that reason then I want to talk about it but I guess this is one of those situations where you beat around the bush about the situation and don't actually say there is a fire in the sky and being a part of the Makah people during that time, well, that was what saved our bacon, their culture.  So now I have to go home and beat around the living room and clean it up good for my son coming to visit.  I should say that this is actually my mother leaving the DOS form she's had for a good long while and actually translating her female self into something optionally relevant t hereto...I.E. her Megan personality, I look forward to this, I'm thinking my children are going to be helping straighten up their gran and I feel like a rest...so, here we go with the win terra brothers, John and Robert...John in a macro version of himself assisted by the musician Tiny Tim...who is 6'4 and a bit goggly eyed/does play well, John is a consumate musician on the part with Beethoven..i.e.Pyotr Bei...we'll get it, it'll make sense...off with us now to make this all come about..

the afternoon after the hanging of the art...

ahhh...it is so good to finally be here at home writing...miss my children so much...and I've had phone conversations with the 'loved one' although it seems as though that has been thoroughly complicated by things other than what it is...interferences..people 'representing' that whom they are not...rushing in..being those someones...and they are not them...  very complicated..
went to the fair...'are you going to scarborough fair'..that I am..very heavy heart, due to the illness, probably final, of my mother...and the three ghouls sitting there at the table dividing up the spoils as though they were the ones who earned the right to do so...I know, I should be patient, that it will all work out to everyone's benefit..but it does not..and so it goes...talked to my daughter, she asked me, were you calling to see if I'd written you a check?? ...  no, not really, wanted to hear your baby's voice, see  how you were..I know th at money stuff will all work out, wasn't even concerned about that but there's that question..and it seems too harsh...phew...at last I can write here..worked towards it..slept oin the back deck...got up at 5:30am... fussed and fidgeted, missed chrch here..went to town, waited for things to open,  en voila.. things did not open for the flower building..they will be open on Tuesday...how I wsih for things to be as they should be..
drinking Dos Equis...on the last bottle..cats running in and out...sighing, he did talk to me..and now he doesn't...one wonders 'where does he go??' but he's here and I shall know so..like the grand display of pot roast with potatoes in gravy...peas...carrots..a subtlely flavored cake..some salad..nouishment...so it goes..had quite a bit of milk at breakfast...lots of coffee..out of reading materials, some movies...talked to Tim..he wasn't there..definitely a version of the product, probably the sharpening tool...not bothering with you...as though he could just shut me off.  ask Casares?  what was that, a version of Saar..time to take away the spider's webs..whatever..paltry conversions from Roe...what was Roe to me?  hmmm... the son-in-law of TWAIN of course, deployed the airlines to Hawaii that we had..diverted them to what?? little a's vi??
probably...sighs..should slleep on the deck again..kind of despondent due to T's response..he was gone momentarily...so it is...we'll see..

here comes the first fall flags...

I have been down with a cold going on 3 weeks now, it's not really even a cold so much as it is a sense of st uffed nose and deep chest cough/residual bronchitis that is pretty much gone b ut wants to remind me it was a doozy..  So last night I went to bed at around 8 in the evening, finishing the Hoffman book, Blue Diary, that I wrote a review of elsewhere in here, it's a beautiful story upon until about page 44 when bluebeard and company take on the happy ever after troupe and mayhem is given reign over the story line...on to the next tome, this one about Atomic City and the Rosie Riverters of WWII...my mother was one of those with her mother, everybody went to work everybody had to work because the Germans were doing bad things in Europe and these guys we called the 'Japs'..which doesn't sound as bad as the 'n' word but does mean something like it...were being a problem ...meanwhile
have to figure out what comes next in the car situation...weld the hatch hinge can't find replacement stopped at junkware in PA yesterday, hard to come by they say there as not many wagovans were made...of course, and it needs brake pads and a muffler for starters...we'll see how this unfolds...
otherwise have been painting the house, really slapping on the paint this morning, optomistically so becau se it's been gray and overcast though no sprinkles like yesterday evening...really have to sit down and paint waves and rest because I was up since 4 am today/go to bed at 8 pm that's what you get evidently...did empty out first bay under garage to explore the flooring situation get some wood lined up for deck project and be amazed some wire fencing is attached to a garage door bracket like how??
and, it's abo ut lunch time so I think I should mosey up to the library get my movies and get my lunch and maybe return..possibly..turns out I return and there is a truck out there, same o black truck like always  I've been to the Lions' shop made arrangements to borrow drill to remove wood screws on roof tarp and rearrange that tarp for better protection this winter will allso work on lower garage area add door and window to back end..here comes hinge mama...window mama..
brief eulogy for Joel...
always looking out the back portal where he'd busily made himself a spare pad (in case he needed it) but long given up the pursuits of l ife meaning that he bid this life adieu yesterday

it is Monday/yeti...

first of all, I had to grieve this morning because another little kitten died and I think another little kitten went that way because I didn't make HIM the house cat either...I just let him fend for himself with the bigger kitties that were born to Rocki...he hasn't been seen since I left him out over night on the day I took in Sylvi's blac and white, I t hought she had given birth to four kittens.  Right away I only found three and the smallest of those didn't qualify for a #9 transit.  After several days of observing Runti Stepped On, as I thought of him...not actually sure of his sex so that reference remains vague...I decided  he should be fed by me as he was not getting fed with the litter (combined)...I didn't keep him segregated in a box like I did this second kitten that just died, I let Runti Stepped On run with the herd..and so he came out from under the chair on the porch and lived up to his name..it felt like stepping on an egg when I crushed his skulll..I can't say I accidentally stepped on his skull, I can say that I saw him come out from under the chair after I was aware of the sensation of stepping on an egg...it was early morning he was crying for Sylvi.  Sylvi has gone...not to return I suspect...so Runti Stepped On lived up to his name and that made me ill that I was the one that faciliated his passing...I wouldn't want myself in the witness box for cat cruelty because to me the experience was cruelty for myself to myself that I let t his happen and I guess that's how one learns to farm...by making tragic mistakes...unfortunate, sad and so forth, I cried pretty good this morning over losing this next kitten, the blacandwhi who lies in state on the backdeckroof...awaiting burial next to his brother in the flowerbed.  Sylvi was a beautiful cat, part Persian, colored like an Orca, amenable to a lapsit and a pet, not like Rocki's three villians capable of scalple sturgeonry on one's extremies (hands bear witness to THAT!!)
which are what remain and have taken to sitting sphinx-like on the Denis couch wondering what other tragic mystery they can bring their human momi's whey...sorry, a little Joycian this mourning...
as it happens I didn't intend this as a eulogy to the blacandiwhi rather I thought to talk about how sad I felt to see he hadn't revived during the night (stayed up till after 11 feeling for a faint pulse which it seemed as though he had just faintly under his left front weggs...a tiny tick)..so I was bereft this morning to find him truly gone and wondered what was the process now?  to lie in state I decided, foregoing the linen changing of the bed, retaining his tiny kitty smell on my hands with fresh clothing no perfume or toothbrushing to satisfy the quiet ache inside me that grieves into the unknowing quantity of perserverance that is life (well, that's a heavy topic but one must practice for these occasions and so it is that if it comes upon you to discuss it...so shall you do this and if more tears come, well that's what I was thinking this morning talking about Iblacandiwhi..)
I learned in this remorseful time that we as humans do not get to feel the great well of despair because we are (we think and believe) made in God's image..and he sucks up all the reallty really bad stuff with his supreme beingness...I would leave that to liturgical scholars to better define what I say...not that you put things in his hands so to speak rather you must recognize for yourself when a thing is that grievable..that you let it go...you give it to HIM, or he takes it or something...blacandi..blacandiwhi..blacandwhiI
this iWEEKEND was one of those revelatory times when tones was coming and brother said with the new GF and 'her' son...so was taking time around the house to load up on the fresh veg and the fish and the cookie recipes and he calls as says that GF has given him an STD...well, you wonder is she still in the picture (and he can't make it over...) so I suppose that plunging into the regret of not seeing one's child falls into the category of discovering kittens have died in that you wouldn't wail about it as much as you would get philosophical and 'blame it on Hitler'...the general cruelty of life and so forth...and that wouldn't be it either..
because we're in a nuclear age nowthings aren't as they seem..blacandwhi went with  my little lilly while I was at Washburns I'm sure of it, good ol Escondido forte and all...meaning to say I don't have to explain that part but was concerned about blacandwhi when Sunday afternoon had come so he came along in his cardboard box of dinner napkins and vitamin order paperwork, all covered and snuggled and sleeping...we went up the road to deliver to the Exchange fresh genes from the post office and from under the actual garage and in the basement nice white plastic bag of good t hings I must part with because I am in danger of becoming a Whore.d/air:  imagine that... when first married I would part with stuff easily...now I am in a different place I find each thing has its own meaning especially little kittens that one indulges with canned tuna jewess and so forth...watches them smacking their whips in delight...wondering if the ghost of John Lennon is upon me...listening to the cars roaring in the street, thinking that soon I shall trekk home again and carry on the rest of my day, blighted somewhat about inadequacies of pet parenting..wondering if my children have really abandoned me...my oldest son has left hawaii and come to phoenix...well, my thought on that is that damn right...you sit over there in an island paradise without the rest of us what do you think???
about time as well...but you know, they tend to not understand me very well, those guys and this thing with the dying kitty...it's like our misunderstandings with one another, they go on for a long time, sometimes...but they always resolve into a gratification of being a part of a family...well, I would think they do...but then again, not everybody in this universe and time has immediate exposure to 'GP'...hehe...gross national product and in this case salmon...how vague and how true and how much I rely on my new awareness that  our belief in the Creator allows us to transcend the mortal plane in times of extreme grief to be aware that he has charge of that...not us...and not to thank him that it wasn't a child who died...there has been a child that died and I know she's with me, along for the rye.d...always...as they all are...so combined with that and the relationship gigs I get into where I spout off like a damn gray whale/lemming anyway...thank god I have my appetite...but what a wrinkly mess to look into...hehe...Muriel is almost blind...Verna is a patchwork quilt...Exchange should help as I didn't know really what I had and that's the other link in the chain as far as it all comes together...clip...just sit here and write it out...grievable...who was in charge of the Grievance Office, how many of THOSE did you write during your time? at cbcc/imu...well, you CAP it it sticks in cyberwriting...meaning it's availbe to shurch...did you notice I didn't men.shun JC at the picnic table where I first entered the MSC:entry position volunteer coordinator VC:et tu.brutus  (she's actually a cannabis plant today)...hehe
so all those dumb rap sounds about some boogi smokin' some guise butt, hey, they ain't kitten charli...
how tuff does it mean to be?  tisn't ever...there's pain and saa.roe and that's it...loved that job on the hill but when you got tu wild little rocker panels waiting in the wings to chew on the bits you're exposing well...time to forward on...but that money thing...that was really a relay coordinate...zaaaaappp...BACK into themix again wonder...peanut buddy and so on...apple in t he fridge hunger gaining some purchase (donuts, donuts...donuts...donuts...dooooouuuuuggggghhhhhhNUDGE)..YOU can starve from lack of love...you can enibriate yourself into dissatisfaction over your conscious being state...you can become aware of the pervasive influence of nothingness to the point where you will made arrangements to cease to exist ...or
you can believe that you have found the answer finaly...or kniew it always (the very tall lady in the long black dress a sensation you felt again standing outside the Empire State building...for the first time when visiting NYC) the answer being that you don't get to be that sad as a  human being because taht's God's portion...not  yourself...up to you to live a good life so he steps in at those times and gives  you a swift kick in the rear end...(3 cases of beer and a lid...maybe...I'd say so, sometimes)...wherein the party animal in you gets with the program because he uses us as pizzas as well...we don't listen, he consumes...like my little kitties...he holds all the winning cards in the dealt hand..heck we even have someone here named DELTA..lots of folks with the last name including 'burg..as in hamburg...auschweitz, belsenbelsen...treblinka (need to research that one somemore, suspect 'it had something to do with trains and such)...lesson for today and immediate future...you didn't make the rules, you're a tough nut..it's going to be ok...god loves you enough to give you the life you have and yo ucan make the most of it  however your heart requires...and listen to that because in this particular case you feel as though you're trying to talk yourself into caring aboutsomeone believing what your impressions of that are, when you've got to let go of the biggest piece of your heart you ever had to give in order to do so...and you feel as though that big chunk (like the candy bar..the big hunk) pull out a few teeth with that one...should get right in there where it was, all over again immediately...and it doesn't
so you feel a little angry with people in authority figures ie fire chief realtor business owner..figure they're all north K fucks with DOS written all over their .fat asses...just a little...hence dying kitties and ones left that have scalpels for claws in case you vaunt to pigg them .op hehe...OUCH!! so how to connect the dots...well big time cornholer is even more den s.call pull dude...he's Property Owner bank letter rider. fuck you in the arse dumbshit I don't care about you or nuthin cause I'm RED blood, see?  red...blood...that's where I get the NKD liscense..lisa...vagueness, grief...can't happen...back to the MP3.player (tu)..k..I'm, gonna t hrow out some stuff here and just go with it..far as that's concrned..
once upon a time russell was everything to me and now he isn't...Paul was, once upon a time, as was John and then George...then Mark, then I was married and that was like the plague, an awful experience liberated only by the second..tommy, who I never had the slightest affection for, but was comforted by because he listened and udnerstood and told me how it was, so I abided in him and that died as well...somewhere in there my youngest brother died so now he stands in the doorway of that ethereal place we know as love and he watches who comes in and how glows in that light as I do in that persn's presence and keeps out those who do not qualify as baby fische...ultimately, that is the philosophical tender of parsing the binary library SEMENTEC..time to take out the two bags of it under the bookshelf in the kitchen, hehe
also time to go home and rev up for BS...think of that what you will, abbreviation is within its right to be vague...hint: last week it was letters from Paul...duh
oh, a few more notes on that whom I shall call Darla's boyfriend..Blazer.mike/the candy Mike and Ike..the phone bill etc...rev in up to head out the door, he says he comes by and I'm never there?  huh?  that's probably GNP and so forth because our life as we know it now is pretty damn austere in terms of human exchange and to hug a baby whale in lieu of him who is replacing the wonderfulness of what I believ in before...yeah..that's going to take some doing...I think donuts would help..aarreeviderci...

last fall

says on the record here that this has not had a post since last september...wow...didn't realize it  had been that far back, since there was so much revolutionary material spinning around in the rinse cycle that I could have mentioned, like how cold it was all winter long and how grateful that there was at least an eb on the bed...have determined that MP/FF is all about the transitional issues so I concentrate my focus there with the help of a LC..which took a while to develop but ahhh, there it is now...itching to gthofh as the weather is so good, slight breeze and laundry waiting for the line.vacuums standing at attention, much build up of winter cruds hanging around waiting to be sorted...sunday is MOM's day and my MOM is one of those who would be interested to know what day it actually is...writing off the top of my head and the bottom of my shoe, toes kind of chilly, prefer to be in the sunlight...cant wait to gtfoh, hehe