I sit belonely

well I don't know what happened to the header here but it's gone...went out to the cranberry farm yesterday...came home made banana bread and that turned out pretty good..  sad to find Onyx had been hit by a car and howling in the berry vines across the street, he's in a box by the fire and doesn't look good at all...then I got a text from the S10 guy who sold the truck to someone else yesterday..  I was kind of sad to know that what he had told me on Thursday wasn't going to happen after all..actually that was Wednesday we agreed I would buy the truck and shook hands on it.  He said he wouldn't sell it to anyone else at that time.  But he did, so now I have to put the money in the bank and keep looking.  I hope it was all for the best, that the truck wasn't going to run well anyway and I would be up to my ears in repairs.  MEanwhile the Civc overheated on the way back from the bank Friday and we had to sit at the side of the road until it cooled down.  I added a little antifreeze but am worried that I need to get a new oil filter in 'er or I'll mess up the parts in the engine, duh...one thing and another...civic is running pretty good and I can go on as I am doing for now but as far as driving down to Mesa or something like a big road trip to DC is absolutely out of the question at this point...Have close to two thousand saved for a better car but of course now Onyx looks like he needs surgery and it's time to get ready for church so enough speculating...Not the spectacular Christmas I envisioned when I made the truck deal but probably was out of my league repair wise so why not get on with it and see what else comes up...that's the way to take a set back..meanwhile pray for kitty to recover.

climbing into the blankets with a good book

there should be cookies but I deliberately put them elsewhere
although there's a bunch in the visitors' center
just waiting to add flesh to my poundage..
and salad greens going wilted in the fridge
a long cord dangling on the floor reminding me that all is not well in the

I should not think of penuche
or the shores of lake erie
back in the day when that slogan keep the earth green
was handpainted and worn as body art

the wind churns up...I'm obliged to be nestatory
without a snack save for popcorn...
freeze to death?

not likely although definitely a dreary proposition..

more observations of the Hoarders' ethic

it was brought to my attention that an actual hoarder combines trash with his treasurers...that there's a lot of tinsel in with the googaw/actual collections so that it overcomfits the springboard of the bipolar manic depressive quality of the reasoning...he's not obsessively compulsive so much as he is inundated by possessions...he gets a headache upon trying to organize them in a rational fashion..he goes for the toss into the pile, along with the balled up trash that should have gone out but he's not going to go out...because he's agorphobic at that point and is as content to stay at home in the deluge of things rather than to approach the outdoor atmosphere with the cleansing sense of fresh air that meets him in any case...possessions take the place of people in his life..he layer states all of what he brings into the domicile, he knows where things are but they have no actual position in his environment because he dedicates nothing to anything other than to the actual point of its being in his sphere of origin/with him at that moment these things are like so many snowflakes he has captured and held silent in time, not melting, collecting dust, buried in the treasure of his private world...it becomes a part of him he can shed when he actually does walk out the door but let no man tread where he does, this is his space...he alone can define and inhabit  it...it is far beyond clutter what he has..but he has so much...he is the true element of wealth because he is becoming buried in his possessions, as much as he would like to say otherwise...there it is...he has captured his universe and is holding it hostage no doubt because of a singular experience in which he was called out for his covetousness...
there's a fragility to the hoarder in which he continues to live his own nightmare...and how to wake him up?  stay tuned...

the office

it's been an uphill struggle..getting a futon into the office and putting things where they go...so many things are in a jumble..need to go through my desk(s)..sort out what's in those and get ready for the cable guy to come.  He'll hook up a flatscreen tv on the file cabinet and then there will be news and PBS again after about four years or more..little by little it has all come together...the problem having been allowing my  young neighbor to move in there before I did...and then when I did, well..there were two housepayments to make and no renters in either space but me living in studio in the new one and going  home to cook for the foster son at the other one...what a rat race that was..

now I'm reading Phillip Roth...I tell ya that Portnoy's Complaint is a sheer ball of wax...couple with that I watched Showtime story The Affair and it ended abruptly with the teacher guy Solway going to the clink because he killed the man who got his funky daughter pregnant..really?   when he did he do that?  he's last seen sitting with the woman Alison he had the affair with and she's got a haircut and doesn't look like a fatlipped teenager anymore and then there's a knock on the door and off goes daddio to jail for murder...never saw it coming, about the worst portrayal of some kind of murder mystery I ever watched...the sex was raw, breathing exercises throughout...other than that, poorly developed character's like Alison's hubby, once seen on Dawson's Creek about 95 years ago...some guy who's like really brutal to Alison in t he beginning, looked like rape to me..but there it was..watched this crummy story for a couple nights while reading Portnoy's Complaint inbetween that's probably what did it, one was truly awful as the other, but now I'm on another Roth book and it's called Indignation, so far so good, a lot more character development and a lot less insufferable complaint about childhood...I hope Roth doesn't think he's the only one with parents who were overboard with the dire predictions and so on...my father once referred to my budding chest as the 'two growths on  my chest'..in front of my four little brothers aged 12 and younger, who immediately sniggered...and I'm still living down the humiliation from that experience...so Portnoy share the stage with the rest of us...I got my head shaved when I was 15 (about) because I didn't want to cut it, I wanted it to grow long...my mother had my dad drag me into the kitchen and they cut my hair while I sobbed on the kitchen floor...it's not brutality it's being a teenager...it's how it is and if you survive sometimes when you're an adult you think about walking off a tall bridge or just never getting out of bed again...something...but you don't...because today the sun shined here and that's never a good time to be melancholy...so I'm not melancholy but Roth's words don't hit home with me either because I as well made my parents proud getting good grades and so on...I did it for myself because I knew I had to achieve things, I had an agenda..I knew when I was a couple years older no one was going to tell me how to wear my hair and until then I best do what I could to stay under the parental radar...haircuts...exactly what do they mean??

let's ask Vidal Sassoon what he thinks:

since I work in triplicate...

uncle wayn'e been posting trump ads on my facebook page for quite some time now...I've always said in reply to his comments 'let's ask the Ojibway about that'...and he goes blank...or maybe he does the vb thing and let's the septic flow, I suggested that as well and didn't hear much...we're about to enter a new era in subpolitics..this is going to be all about the things that were griped about coming to fruition, like the HOlocaust, wounded knee, trail of tears...Mike Biddle and so on...really now...can we count on you to wear your beanie?? it's a show of solidarity  since this is not going to be oppotune times to show how backward we can get as a people after letting a black man tell us what to do for the last eight years...
ciykd;t  couldn't afford to sign up for obama care...
now I get a package of apples when they're lying on the ground beneath the trees rotting...and tomatoes when mine plants didn't fruit...when the silos at the silent mill in downtown bellingham look too much like the real thing to think they're not...it's about bait man...flap yer gum show yer ignorance and get with the program..this is about that, going into that supposed shower and taking a supposed bath...most of us that think that way have already given their alll...money time lives...they want control of what lives they're in...literally, this guy is going to offer all that up and we're to show him we know visual basic bettern' he does, he and his widdle grills...

foc#2

here we go a wandering...
so we get to see a bit of the AC in this one...like I know anyting about it which I don't and it rains so much where I am that it's pretty for certain I know little more than I mighta had I not been working with two Australians for the past several years...

DUMB:  ok, now boys we got this gig at Barberry Farms...we're going to entertain at a dinner party and you're going to dress up as suits and ties and polished shoes and the whole bit for a swell two hundred plus transportation because I knowthat's always difficult
Tweet:  how is it difficult?
DUMB:  the transpo is always difficult because the tires on your bikes is always flat they are
Fred:  and if there were no bicycles there would be something else going on, for sure, like the van we came home in would be running out of gasoline and so on, that's what
Tweet:  well, that's true that is...money's in short supply..why I was thinking just the other day about the Midas touch and how we ain't got it
Fred:  We hasn't for sure
Tweet:  So what's the occasion at this Barberry Frams?
DUMB:  seems the station master there has gotten himself engaged to a lovely girl with lots of dough and he wants to make an impression on her family coming from, let's see now where was it...ohyeah, it's here in my notes, she's coming from New Zealand, seems she's related to so and so and so and so and there's some Maori in there somewhere as well so I imagine her hair will be right curly wouldn't you think?
Tweet:  I should this she wouldn't need a permanent that one
Fred:  Ok so he loves her truly does he?
Dumb:  It appears there's a fragrance about her that makes him absolutely twinkle with joy..yes
I guess she's a bit of a beauty as well
Tweet: and waht about the farmer is he all broad and sturdy or what?
Dumb:  he's a fair middlin sort a guy with one of them hot farmer hats and a beard and some muscles yes, minds me of Corny LeBraun in the fifth round..a real yank master that one
Tweet:  So you give him the howdy doo already and said we'd commit?
Dumb:  I did that yes, I did so he's pickin you's up in a few, yhou got yer suits on you're ready to roll but about the music well..I wonder what would be the good proposal song
Fred:  I got it...we're like this about that

She loves me and I love her and that's what we know about each other
She's the star in my sky the girl that I
Love and hold true beyond all doubt she's what I'm about
And me to her is what it is what it is what it is...
Oh Yeah
We're together believe it we're together we see it
Everywhere we are that's who we are together
Oh Yeah

Dumb:  when did you write that
Tweet:  Oh we were thinking about how it would be we come home one day and this chick is waiting at the front door telling us, both of us...she has to have us...we thought about it...she bought our dinner, we thought, well..we can't both have her, so neither of us would..and then when she'd gone, we wrote this tune to sort it out, sort of...that's what we did
Fred:  We did indeed, yes, that's how it went
Dumb:  Ok then, silly me for asking how you come up with this stuff
Fred: Oh we come up with it, no doubt we do...and besides...we're gettin' a ride home this time right? No chipping in for gas and so on?
Dumb:  absolutely not, you're clean and easy and so on
Tweet:  Ok where's the fine print?
Dumb:  No fine print, it's a kind of an engagement party for a slightly Maori woman engaged to Barberry Farms station manager lessee his name is ah here it is, hmmm, this could be tricky, his name's ummm...well..let me see how I can say this..
dissolves into hysterical laughter as he tries to get the name out
....(you guys can think of that part()

aldo is my Italian fly

he comes bi
whenever I

...haiku written in Winchester Virginia in 1980 summer kha

strangely I've come about in the terms of ethos as far as I can let myself go...there's no promise in this tomorrow other than to remain resolved to do the best I can in whatever weather there is..
this time of year the weather is pretty much in charge of the ballgame..like the Cubs winning the pennant..it takes over the situation..a grim one, one of plowing in and regrouping to prepare for next spring when things grow again, when the plums begin to happen on One Plum..when garlic family regroups here and there in the garden and delivers Rice Paddy back to the Texans that farm it...(the Texans?? I farm it..it goes for me and is waiting for me to dice and store the crop of this summer.
Other than that...clueless I look at the dishes in the sink and think, I should do those, my hands would like the release of soapy water, they've been in my nose, my itchy places...they haven't washed my face yet this morning..will I get to swim again while I'm here, that was so fun...a gorgeous perfect pool that needs a little of my favorite thing to do : grout...I should be a grouter..I love to do it...pick out perfect blue and white, Blue Willow patern reminescent patterns, gorgeous Romanian swirls everywhere, until it's too much and no furniture could be allowed...off to that abstract tangent painting quantifies..
I'm sure my son's ok, I'm sure of it